while browsing through my files,i discovered i wrote this several months ago. wow...

LAVENDER NIGHT

I try to drown out the drone of office chatter with Roberta Flack bellowing where is the love through my headphones, kick off my shoes and look at my table or whatever’s left of it: stacks of folders and papers, my good old computer, reports to be edited, a yellow Piglet mug, little stuffed animals on top of the computer monitor, more folders on the verge of collapse, diskettes and a bouquet of yellow aster. I can smell coffee brewing and outside the glass window, the blue sky is splashed with hues of orange. I reach out to draw the blinds but decided against it. Let yourself see how it looks like outside, I tell myself.

I do not have the desire to go home, go some place else, or just simply move. I look at the cubicle across mine and inside me I wish to see him sitting there, with that fervent look on his face as he stares at the computer. I often catch myself peeking at the window that overlooks the parking area but his car isn’t there still.

He’s not coming back.

I have lost him when I never really had him.