hanging up

i'm going through a weird phase of detachment these days. i'm supposed to meet up with my college barkada and some classmates tonight in Timog but i've decided not to go. jep has been trying to reach me since last week but i never took his calls nor replied to his emails. im sure they'd get to read this so no, i won't come up with some lame excuse about not joining them tonight.

this detachment from friends started on my birthday. there was somehow a display of insensitivity on the part of my high school girlfriends, that i tried to shrug off only to realize that it is now making an effect on me. but i digress.

i have only one question: what is really our purpose for getting together after all these years?

jep's email announced that tonight was supposed to be the celebration of our birthdays--mine,malou's,eric's, pam's and a couple of our classmates. the thing is, we are reduced to the usual "inuman" and friendly chatter whenever we are together. do we really care about our respective lives at all? it is not enough to ask "o, san ka ngayon?", or "sino'ng boy/girlfriend mo?" we used to be more than that.

my friends are very important to me,see. however i think it's time for me to think about where these friendships are leading,and how, in the first place, did we all call each other friends.

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you might think that i clearly have issues, but come on, it's better this way than sitting there, guzzling bottle after bottle of beer,and wondering where that "something that all brought us together" went.

it wasn't the Philo classes, the tambays at Tinoko, the dinners at Almer's, the nights at Pam or Eric's rooms--- there was more and i just can't find it now.

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i just hate to admit it in the plainest and mushiest words.