In-Betweeness

It's an in-between day. You don't hate it nor do you like it. You just go along, not thinking, not thinking because you're tired of it. You don't do anything to break into this in-betweeness because there is nothing to find out, nothing else to discover when you finally allow yourself to go beyond this state. All is in your hands, in your mind, and it's stuck like some nasty gum you sat on. Don't hope for an epiphany. Nothing's there. Nothing's ever there.

Now do not accuse me of pessimism. The universe just has a funny way of toying with my life. Sometimes I think of just staying still, as in literally not moving. I won't brush my teeth, won't go to work, won't eat, won't get off a cab, won't respond to somebody calling my name, won't budge even if the office is on fire--I just won't do, won't do a thing.

The world still turns. The world turns still.

***

People understand...

Tere - that I can't give her everything she wants even if I try. I give her what I have, what I can and what I am.

Kulas - that I have my flaws; that the way I love him is the best way I know.

TJ - that I love him as much as I love Tere.

Mama - that I may not show it at times, but she is my source of strength

Nina and Sam - that my friendship with them will live up to a hundred years more

Ayvi - that my love for her and Isis transcends the days we are not together

Neng-neng - that I am always distracted and busy and tired but I will go to wherever she is when she needs me -- even when my hair is a mess

Tina - that I have bright ideas for work but just can't seem to hold it anymore and that our friendship is something more than these cubicle walls can speak of

Tatay and Nanay - that I tried not to disappoint you when you were still around

Y - that letting go was the best thing we ever agreed on.

Ian - that I easily forget things and that I don't really intend to forget things

Jojo - that I love him for being the big bully brother I never had

Vlad - that I treasure our friendship so much

The Etnebs - that I miss you, damn it!

Papa - that I sometimes blame him for all the mess I've gotten into

God - because he does.

***

Senti moment. Humor me.