So I was right. At 25, you can only hope to be living off a trust fund some generous grand-aunt has left for you; or that you have a 5-digit paying job--never mind if you hate it. Thing is, there's no grandaunt, no great-paying job. There is only you.

I am going to be a barista.

I can control my life, damn it.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with two production outfits bidding to win an account with us to stage a concert we're funding. Guess who came with the second group?

Ok, to give you an idea, it's going to be a concert for a cause, its theme centering on saving the environment, the seas in particular.

Yep, yep, Joey Ayala came with his guitar! He performed the pieces he would sing during the concert and man, was he amazing. If there's one thing I frowned about was his comment that I look like a pretty highschooler. My retort was equally embarrassing. I blurted "but I'm getting married next year!" Joey laughed and reached for my hand. Hehe. I didn't know where that came from.

If I wrote this entry yesterday, it would have sounded what it's really supposed to be. But not today.

I went home from St. Luke's late last night. Kulas' mom needs Type O blood for her heart bypass this morning and I wanted to donate but didn't get to because I'm underweight. I texted friends to pass the message to other people because we had a 10 p.m. deadline; also had to fetch an officemate who was willing to donate. Kaso lang he had high blood pressure.

When I got home at past midnight, I was sorry that I wasn't able to talk to my Tita who lives with us in my grandparents' home. She might have lung cancer. I'm obsessing about learning about the disease so I can help her as much as I can. We need prayers now. My cousins need her more than anyone else. I hope that her biopsy results would be ok. Waiting for Friday.

And this morning we had an emergency meeting. We all might get laid off. Fuck the government. Our office has its own funds but of course where money is involved, a mess ensues.

Ang saya-saya. And I mean ang saya-saya.

I'm going to be fine, I know. I'm anxious but losing my job is better than what other people are facing in their lives. At least, my sister is graduating in March and I don't have to think about her tuition fees anymore. At least, I'm healthy. I have friends, Kulas, my family. I have a home.

So even if I don't have you, hah! Life goes on. It's gonna be tough but what the heck. I learned this in kindergarten.





***

crazy what-if for the week
while talking to Mama over pasta marinara


me: Ma, ano kaya if I called Citibank and tell their Customer Service Officer, " miss, I have an account with you. I was just thinking baka puwedeng back to zero na lang yun..."

---insert Citi Phone officer: "Naku, ma'am. I'm afraid we can't do that"
me: "eh baka lang naman puwede nating pag-usapan...(a beat)...o sige less 20% na lang..."

Har-har. I wish.