Holy Wednesday

You ask yourself what the universe is really offering you, all these years of asking questions, wondering, wondering and never getting the right answers. Open your hands tonight. Fall on your knees. Pray.

Pray for redemption. Pray for your own heaven.


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I guess I should be relieved I wouldn't have to work this week. I need the break, except that I am not really getting any. It's weird how things are turning out here. It's Ninang's first chemo session today. God, let her be alright please.

My high school bestfriend Elhyn arrived from Canada because her dad passed away. We went to their house in the South to pay our respects. I wonder about my own death. I am no stranger to it, though. Two years ago, my Tatay and Nanay left us for some sunny field in the sky. I have always imagined heaven to be like that: sunny, a bright and golden field of barley, willowy. Like Sting's.

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I have been neglecting my writing, my canvases and my paintbrushes. All I think about now is my family and how to help them more; my friends, Kulas. And more.

So much more.

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I realized tonight is the first time in weeks, months even, that I get to play some music and listen to it. As in really listen. Funny, Kulas has been complaining that I dont know how to listen anymore. How true, as my thoughts meander all the time. It's sad, isn't it? I am not like this. I was never like this.

I*****

I am grieving about something I have lost and will never find again. White is the color of mourning.

Good night, Tintin.