I went to work with a quiet heart. The truth is, I have so many things to think about: my mom's love problems (yep, my mom's and she's 49), work, Ninang's health, my brother's baby (I'm going to be an aunt in eight months),and a lot of other miscellaneous things.

I have learned not to think about things when they're not yet jumping up and down my lap. So even if I know I'll be broke till the next pay day and till some clients pay up whatever they owe me, I do not care. It's not also because it's too tiring to care or too sickening to worry. I just don't. Life turns good in the end because no matter how strongly we bitch about it, life is good.

***

I dreamt that my friend Shawie has given birth to twins and I was the only one with her in the hospital. This morning she called to tell me she's seven weeks pregnant.

I texted Kulas I wish I'd have babies soon. Now, there goes a rule out of your Cosmo. Wasn't I scared that it would drive Kulas scared to his butt?

No. In fact, if he showed the littlest sign of rejecting the idea of having babies soon, I would start thinking of ways to have mine--alone. Immaculate conception, here I come.

But anyway, Kulas and I are planning to get married next year--no killer-proposal though. I doubt if that would happen. I have asked for an engagement car, or an engagement condo, or even an engagement I-book. Cool, isn't it? I never liked wearing rings anyway.

My brother TJ is now a dad. Sad thing is, his situation is too complicated. Too complex, in fact, for me to blog about. The only thing I regret is that he didnt prepare for it. (Now I really don't like his girlfriend--people and family say she's bad news. But it's my bro's choice, still).

Then last night, my mom smsd that Big Kuya might be cheating on her. Well, she thinks he is, and their neighbors can attest to it. I told her to talk to him and get out of it if things dont get settled. My mom has sacrificed a lot already for the guy.

And then Ninang told us over dinner last night that her chemo doesnt seem to be working for her. Her tumor didnt change a bit after three chemo sessions. I think we need to look for another doctor even if her oncologist is her fourth already. We can't take any chances. Stage 3 of lung cancer isn't a joke at all.

Yesterday was Tatay's third death anniversary. I miss him.

If I didnt know better, I would think that these things are karma. The categorically common Catholic would say, "parusa yan ng Diyos" (God's punishment). I dont think so.

I believe that my God is a loving, merciful and forgiving God. He will never hurt me or those I love.

But let's not get into that.

***
taken from Naya's blog

Michelle Pfeiffer's character in White Oleander: "You're doing it again. You're attaching yourself to someone who shows you the least bit of attention, because you're lonely."

I have been guilty of this for so many times I deserve the death penalty. Hurting one's self is a crime.