random thoughts, musings and workings of a totally warped mind. tintin is a colorblind writer who paints,dreams of flying a kite along EDSA, teaches middle & high school writing & literature, and is the future mother of Kulay and Una Rosa Maria.

Friday, February 27, 2004

War-freak Tintin

I punched a 13-year old boy when I was 12.

I, my brother and sister along with other kids in the neighborhood were playing kickball one summer afternoon. I was the captain of my team,and no wonder, I could kick a mean ball and break those bulbs hanging above the street. Neighbors would complain to my Tatay that I broke yet another bulb or shattered a window because "nag-kickball na naman ho ang apo n'yo Mang Pepe" ("your granddaughter played kickball again, Mang Pepe"). Some parents would even threathen to file a formal complaint in the Barangay. I was good, what the heck. I thought their kids urged them to report on me so no one could beat them anymore. But I digress.

This 13-year old SOB named PJ was mocking my brother because he couldn't join us play that day. MY bro was having an asthma attack. PJ called him names; "lampa" "ban-ban" (wimp). PJ even kept shoving my brother away.

Me: "Oi, PJ tigilan mo yang kapatid ko!" (Hey,bastard, leave my brother alone!)

PJ: "Eh lampa naman talaga `to eh! (He's a wimp,really)" then threw the red plastic ball on my face

I tasted blood on my lips, curled my right palm into a fist, and calmly tapped PJ's shoulder.

Me: "PJ..."

as he turned around, I punched him on the nose, remembering Popeye and the way he would cream Brutus(Bluto?).

Well, I got grounded for a week and my Tatay had to pay for PJ's medical bill. He, er, I broke his nose.

But I was damn proud. Oh and I uttered the first expletive of my life then. Saying "pu@%!na ka,wag mong aanuhin kapatid ko!" (you,motherfckr,you! Never mess up with my brother!) was divine.

Fast-forward War-freak Tintin

I took a cab to work today. I told the driver to pass through a mall near my place so we could take the short cut. Two security guards were on their posts along the gate entrance doing the routine check of vehicles passing by. The guard on the left side, signalled "go", meaning they wouldn't check our cab anymore. But the guard on the right, kicked the cab's rear and shouted "hoy, come back!"

The cab driver explained the other guard told us to go ahead that's why we stopped. He would have willingly pulled over and opened his trunk had he been told to do so.

But this wise-ass guard started to harass the poor driver, shoving him off, cursing at him. I didn't mind him at first.

But when this frigging guard looked inside the cab and pointed at me, I couldn't take it anymore. I got off.

Me: "ano bang problema mo, ha? why are you harrassing my driver?"
take note the possessive pronoun.hehe.

Guard:"anong harrass? eh,gago yan eh"
Me; "Mama, sinabihan kami nung kasama mo na tumuloy na kaya di kami huminto. Tapos sisipain mo `tong sasakyan at mumurahin mo sya? Anong problema mo?" (Mister,your colleague told us to go ahead that's why we didnt stop then you kicked the cab and began verbally abusing him!)

Guard:"eh,bakit ba,ikaw ba drayber?" (why,are you the driver?)

Me:"eh,luku-luko ka pala eh. Hindi nga ako ang driver pero di ka dapat bastos. Ang tanda na nga nyang driver eh!"(you're crazy. I know I'm not the driver. You're an asshole who doesnt know the meaning of the word respect)

Guard: walks away

Me: pulls his arm to me

"hoy,inabala mo na rin naman ako. wag kang bastos ha!"

Guard: moves his hand to show the gun on his belt

Me: reads his name badge

"Mr. Agdao, wag kang mambabastos sa susunod. I live near this mall and you bet Im coming back. I hope not to see you here by then."

By this time, there were a lot of onlookers already,and the queue of vehicles was already spilling.

When I got back to the cab, the manong driver said, "ang tapang nyo pala, Ma'am"

I was seething, fuming mad. But I know I won.

Ok,ok. I got scared too. A little. hehe. He could have shot me. But what the heck, I know I scared the shit out of him,too.

Nice Friday payday. Except that we aren't getting paid again.

But you know what? I feel fine, baby.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

So I was right. At 25, you can only hope to be living off a trust fund some generous grand-aunt has left for you; or that you have a 5-digit paying job--never mind if you hate it. Thing is, there's no grandaunt, no great-paying job. There is only you.

I am going to be a barista.

I can control my life, damn it.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with two production outfits bidding to win an account with us to stage a concert we're funding. Guess who came with the second group?

Ok, to give you an idea, it's going to be a concert for a cause, its theme centering on saving the environment, the seas in particular.

Yep, yep, Joey Ayala came with his guitar! He performed the pieces he would sing during the concert and man, was he amazing. If there's one thing I frowned about was his comment that I look like a pretty highschooler. My retort was equally embarrassing. I blurted "but I'm getting married next year!" Joey laughed and reached for my hand. Hehe. I didn't know where that came from.

If I wrote this entry yesterday, it would have sounded what it's really supposed to be. But not today.

I went home from St. Luke's late last night. Kulas' mom needs Type O blood for her heart bypass this morning and I wanted to donate but didn't get to because I'm underweight. I texted friends to pass the message to other people because we had a 10 p.m. deadline; also had to fetch an officemate who was willing to donate. Kaso lang he had high blood pressure.

When I got home at past midnight, I was sorry that I wasn't able to talk to my Tita who lives with us in my grandparents' home. She might have lung cancer. I'm obsessing about learning about the disease so I can help her as much as I can. We need prayers now. My cousins need her more than anyone else. I hope that her biopsy results would be ok. Waiting for Friday.

And this morning we had an emergency meeting. We all might get laid off. Fuck the government. Our office has its own funds but of course where money is involved, a mess ensues.

Ang saya-saya. And I mean ang saya-saya.

I'm going to be fine, I know. I'm anxious but losing my job is better than what other people are facing in their lives. At least, my sister is graduating in March and I don't have to think about her tuition fees anymore. At least, I'm healthy. I have friends, Kulas, my family. I have a home.

So even if I don't have you, hah! Life goes on. It's gonna be tough but what the heck. I learned this in kindergarten.


crazy what-if for the week
while talking to Mama over pasta marinara

me: Ma, ano kaya if I called Citibank and tell their Customer Service Officer, " miss, I have an account with you. I was just thinking baka puwedeng back to zero na lang yun..."

---insert Citi Phone officer: "Naku, ma'am. I'm afraid we can't do that"
me: "eh baka lang naman puwede nating pag-usapan...(a beat)...o sige less 20% na lang..."

Har-har. I wish.

Friday, February 13, 2004

I'm 25 and I wish never got out of college.

When you're faced with things like monthly bills, your sister's school allowance, bills, and more bills--plus the thought of not being able to set out something concrete for your future in terms of career and a lot more--you'd really wish all you have to think about are homeworks, deadlines, baon, and Saturday night gimmicks.

It's not about angst, really. It's simply about life not "promising a heavenly dessert" (borrowed from my all-time favorite movie Antonia's Line. And well, all they told us back in those high school career orientations was that "we have a bright future ahead of us". Bah.

Oh sure, I do.

Except that I have to keep working my butt off and who knows, I might snap out of this soon. I sometimes wish,too, that I was still my college self when I would question everything and when I still believed Marx has the answer to everything.

Maybe a caffeine fix has the answer. Darn.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

ok already

Done with thinking. All i want now is dinner: tapsilog at Mocha Blends (they have the best!), coffee and a smooch. I think I'm going schizo. Ang labo.

I miss shopping, darn it. I miss eating out. Enough with work and not getting paid on time.

Hey, Ian, I'm getting in touch with Tara soon and I'm pitching a book!

I am resurrecting the kikay in me. Maybe that's just what I need.

Oh wait. Do check out my friend Tins' photo blog. Aside from the fact that she has an amazing eye, I am featured in her recent entry. Hehe. And according to Malka, OHhhhhh que mistério!

Wednesday, February 11, 2004


It's an in-between day. You don't hate it nor do you like it. You just go along, not thinking, not thinking because you're tired of it. You don't do anything to break into this in-betweeness because there is nothing to find out, nothing else to discover when you finally allow yourself to go beyond this state. All is in your hands, in your mind, and it's stuck like some nasty gum you sat on. Don't hope for an epiphany. Nothing's there. Nothing's ever there.

Now do not accuse me of pessimism. The universe just has a funny way of toying with my life. Sometimes I think of just staying still, as in literally not moving. I won't brush my teeth, won't go to work, won't eat, won't get off a cab, won't respond to somebody calling my name, won't budge even if the office is on fire--I just won't do, won't do a thing.

The world still turns. The world turns still.


People understand...

Tere - that I can't give her everything she wants even if I try. I give her what I have, what I can and what I am.

Kulas - that I have my flaws; that the way I love him is the best way I know.

TJ - that I love him as much as I love Tere.

Mama - that I may not show it at times, but she is my source of strength

Nina and Sam - that my friendship with them will live up to a hundred years more

Ayvi - that my love for her and Isis transcends the days we are not together

Neng-neng - that I am always distracted and busy and tired but I will go to wherever she is when she needs me -- even when my hair is a mess

Tina - that I have bright ideas for work but just can't seem to hold it anymore and that our friendship is something more than these cubicle walls can speak of

Tatay and Nanay - that I tried not to disappoint you when you were still around

Y - that letting go was the best thing we ever agreed on.

Ian - that I easily forget things and that I don't really intend to forget things

Jojo - that I love him for being the big bully brother I never had

Vlad - that I treasure our friendship so much

The Etnebs - that I miss you, damn it!

Papa - that I sometimes blame him for all the mess I've gotten into

God - because he does.


Senti moment. Humor me.

for Kulas, these days.

Two of Us Lyrics

Two of us riding nowhere
Spending someone's hard earned pay
You and me Sunday driving
Not arriving on our way back home
We're on our way back home
We're on our way home
We're going home

Two of us sending postcards
Writing letters on my wall
You and me burning matches
Lifting latches on our way back home
We're on our way home
We're on our way home
We're going home

You and I have memories
Longer than the road
That stretches out ahead

Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo in the sun
You and me chasing paper
Getting nowhere on our way back home
We're on our way back home
We're on our way home
We're going home

You and I have memories
Longer than the road
That stretches out ahead

Two of us wearing raincoats
Standing solo in the sun
You and me chasing paper
Getting nowhere on our way back home
We're on our way back home
We're on our way home
We're going home
We're going home

- Aimee Mann & Michael Penn