This will be another rambling entry (as always,teehee). Back here in the office, doing some final stuff for tomorrow's workshop in Sariaya. I hope J.A. doesnt really have the star complex that I'm suspecting him to have.

I'm back on my morning mug of Nesvita. Why am I telling you that? Erm, wala lang I saw my corn-stained mug kasi.

Im hungry na. Im craving for some serious Chicken Inasal at JT's Manukan Grille in Gilmore. His is my favorite so far. Matches the ones in Negros.

Got to drop by again at the hospital for Ninang tonight. I also have to save up a little because I volunteered to buy Barry's school supplies this weekend. Im actually excited about it despite the additional strain on my budget. I love shopping--specially at bookstores.

The smell of notebooks, crayons, pencils, of plastic covers---divine, man. It also reminds me of grade school, which I wish I never left.

~

Troy sucks. Shrek 2 is hilarious! Superb,witty and funny dialogues. Will see it again. Also watched Monsoon Wedding on DVD. Nice.

Got to go. my head's spinning in hunger.

What is more important, a person’s past or his future?

Kulas and I both have different experiences that have shaped what we are now and how we lead ourselves. We have lived our lives so differently yet so similarly at the same time. But now that we are together, I wonder about the weight of these experiences, at least the significance of these to his life now.

The twenty-year gap between us is not a joke at all.

Between conversations in the car, during dinner, over coffee—in varying moods and momentums, his past and mine surface. In my case, I have long gotten over what-could-have-beens and looking back is only a luxury I indulge myself in from time to time. I wonder, then, is it the same with him? Though he says, the past is over, could there be thoughts of what-ifs in his mind? Perhaps an undisclosed desire that the past never went as it did?

Isn’t the future too short and too uncertain to be valued? We put too much importance onto a yet unknown chasm of time that’s bound to swallow us alive or dead, depending on how we play it. But the past, the past already has its stories to tell, its innumerable characters and twists in plot that we play again and again in our minds. The past carries names, wounds, scars, songs. And the future? It only has a promise. A promise of more names, wounds, scars, and more songs.

When he tells you you are his future, don’t you just get relegated into a limbo, a state that’s all the more changeable and unsure?

We try to be careful and take hold of uncertainties: a life insurance, a spare key, an umbrella in case it rains. But really, we will never know.

Back here in Manila--no Boracay, no Baguio, but only these too-early monsoon rains. Im blogging here in Kulas' home. I took four jeepney rides from my place to Dapitan where I asked Kulas to fetch me. I didnt want him to drive all the way from QC to Manila because of the heavy rains. I had a quick late lunch of pork tonkatsu at Oddies Crossings, bought a box of donuts and headed here to his place. The donuts were gone in a few seconds! :) The kids--Mia,Ana,and Enzo were all fans of Dunkin like me (we still think Dunkin is better than Gonuts). I asked Kulas to get me a Choco Frosted donut but gave me a Choco Honey Dipped. Ala lang. I know my donuts kasi even if I'm blindfolded. Twas cute, though.

I made him watch Lost in Translation. He liked it.

I should write daw he's singing 'Home" right now--Kulas

His hearing is on Tuesday and I'll be in Quezon then with Joey Ayala and people at work for a workshop. I wish I could be with him...

Going home na in a while. Jaime is driving us. It's a new setup we're trying. At least Kulas wont be dead tired when he gets back home.

Oh and Beef Wanton Mami at Mann Hann is weird. It's like nilagang baka complete with vegetables and ginger. Yun lang. My right shoulder is acting up again.

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Happy birthday Nanay. I miss you very very much.

Stepped out of the hotel on a Tuesday Iloilo afternoon and I gasped at the glorious sunlight and the wind, the wind! Everything was yellow. The after-rain descended like butterfly wings.

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After this morning's workshop session, I went to our Regional Office with the rest of the Team. We had to work on some logistics stuff. Being the IT ignorant me, I had to settle with printing workshop certificates, photocopying evaluation sheets, sorting and stapling them. Believe me, it was relaxing. I found myself humming the "Spongebob Squarepants" theme, bobbing my head up and down to an imaginary cartoon MTV in my demented head. What a great therapy.

Back here at the hotel now. I just want to blog before dinner. Oh and I think I'm going to get myself one of those ditzy sandwich makers. Cheesemelt sandwiches are best cooked in those gizmos.

Will try to be a chance passenger for Manila tomorrow. No Bora for me. My sister called me and I had to be home ASAP--nothing toe-curling though. Just some Ate-responsibilities that only I could handle. It's also Ninang's chemo session again on Friday so I have to take care of the bills,etc.

Kulas and I might go up to Baguio in the weekend.

Got to eat now. Share some inasal with me :)

here's last year's bora pic

The group and I had coffee at Ground, Iloilo's Starbucks according to Erwin. They had the usual gourmet coffee concoctions but none to really give me a much needed jolt. We stayed there for about two hours, with Jay and Jojo alternately trying to be the two-man audience of the conyo Ilongga in what seemed to be a five-inch mini and a white shirt that also drops five inches from the neckline. After coffee, we dropped by Biggy's, a local Korean convenience store (now that doesn't sound right,does it?) where everything cost twice its original retail price. A sugarless spearmint Orbit gum was 30 bucks each! Di ba sobra? Now, being the crazy me, I went around the store picking up items and checking out their prices,simultaneously exclaiming "___pesos!!! grabe!", then bringing the said item to my friends queued at the cashier. I stopped only when the guard asked me what the problem was but was quick to add, "Manong ang mamahal ng tinda nyo!" Hehe. (I have a history with guards remember? :p )

We passed by the church near our hotel to check out the Sunday mass schedules. The English mass was set at 5:30. At least that's what Sam thought he saw.

Well, we ended up hearing the Hiligaynon mass the following day. I was hoping it would at least be in Cebuano which I understand perfectly. Nonetheless, as Kulas texted after, "we received the same grace."

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The rain hasn't let up since this morning. It's quite depressing. I am reminded of my first few weeks in Dumaguete. Rain, gray skies, away from home, friendless and a broken heart made by a boy in Manila...

I never liked rainy days when I am away. It makes me think of when I was a kid and my mom not spending the night at home; reminds me of school openings and I didnt get the Merit notebooks again (they're too much for my budget,Mama would say); makes me see Papa carrying his suitcases and loading them in the car; makes me remember of the day we left La Vista for good and settle for my grandparents' house in Manila.

Sad? Not really. I just need something or someone to comfort me on days such as these.

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Vlad texted a few nights ago that Naya was asking how I was and why my recent entries have been sad. I have to agree. I'm trying to work on it though. Being sad gets to be really tiring.

~

I got the best surprise email today from a friend-ex-muse-distraction-addiction. Surely missed K.

Blogging from one of my favorite cities in the country should be interesting. Here in Iloilo, strangers become friends, you develop new tastes and hear a language different from your own. I have just given a lecture on Web Writing, how ironic as my writing has been really in bad shape. It went pretty well, the lecture, judging by their expressions, nods and their vigorous note-takings.

Boracay is just a bus ride and a ferry ride away. I'm escaping work and heading there in six days. I should be glad except that I miss Kulas, Terenggoy, my family and my friends. Funny, I miss everyone I love now. The thought of curling up in my hotel room with any of the books I brought with me doesn't seem that exciting anymore.

I miss home. The best way to end my day, always, is for Kulas to kiss me good night and Tere demanding for me to stop reading and turn off the lamp light.

Somehow, a five-star hotel service and a very enchanting city can drive one nuts with homesickness. And it's only been two days.

Sentimental Thursday

I love you in the plainest meaning of these words. To define it and to attempt describing it are beyond me. I have tried doing so before, with the many faces and names that I have once promised to keep for a lifetime. But here I am, connected to this invisible but real thread of loving: we can either choose to cut it, or just weave it intricately till our hands get tired and we just choose to hold each other's and rest.

I do not want you any other way. I want the same cologne on your collar, the muscles that twitch at my slightest touch, the mouth that curls up into a smile when I kiss your neck, the same mouth that frowns and bites and kisses and eats...

I have chosen you, among those names covered with the Past;among the names to come.

I will never own you nor you will me. My love will keep my center, like gravity, it pulls me on the ground...

Turning Schizo

I know my entries have been giving you the impression that I am a schizo. Well, with my life's drama and my propensity to trod on more "dramatic" paths, I might just evolve into a new species of the modern-day schizoid.

The art camp was absolutely fun. I had to take painkillers though as I was too tired after. I'll be posting pics as soon as Kulas re-uploads them on the cam's memory card. I miss those makukulit kids.

Blogging at nine a.m. here at work is actually indecent. I just want to squeeze this in and think...

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Though I love Pantoja's pastries, I simply loathe their staff. I am normally very nice to people specially to food attendants, salesladies,the like. But Pantoja's? They need more training. And common sense.

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Kulas and I caught "Man on Fire" in Greenhills. As usual, I fell in love with Denzel Washington's performance. Dakota Fanning proved to be a lot more clever than her age, and that's not only because of her role in the movie, it shows in her eyes.

The movie was good in an entertaining way. It has its flaws, as most Hollywood thriller are wont to be. The twists were, erm, too twisted. I love the relationship between Creasy (Denzel) and Pita (Dakota). Oh and Mexico's a lot more like Manila. There was even a shot that looked like the Quiapo underpass.

A bit of epiphany here and there. And then some. Kulas complained of the anti-climactic part between the characters of Denzel and Dakota's father.

Won't talk about it na. Just go watch it. It wouldn't lull you to sleep naman specially if you don't want to think and you just want to relax.

All in all, Kulas and I had a very laidback and relaxed evening. It's been a long time :)

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I want to shop for books. The nearest bookstore to me is National but its Quezon Ave's fiction/literary collection sucks. I'll check out Booktopia in Libis soon. Popular and Powerbooks might give some nice finds too. Again, it's been a long time :)

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I'm going back to working on my writing while developing child art and creativity porgrams for Our House. Kulas and I are on full force now.

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If you pray, please include Kulas and whisper to your God to intervene in his case. On another note, I know God favors those who are truthful. God knows Kulas' heart...