Don't look sideways... 

Going Sideways

It's a shame that I haven't seen any of director Alexander Payne's works before, that Kulas and I only relied on the fact that Sideways was a Golden Globe and Academy nominee for Best Picture, and on remembering that we had previously made a mental note to watch it upon seeing the trailer.

Miles and Jack go on a wine tasting tour a week before one-time soap opera actor Jack ties the knot. Miles leads him into central California hoping to have a full-on bachelor bash with Jack: checking in a countryside motel, plans of early morning golf, meals at the local diner-clearly Miles' idea of partying, while Jack was looking forward to getting laid and being crazy days before he gets married.

The film unfolds and so do the lives of these two men brilliantly summed up in a week but truly enough to get to know the two characters. We are not expected to like Miles and Jack: one is a self-pitying divorcee who waits for his agent's call about his novel and the other is a pathetic oaf who merits the usual tsk tsk but gets laid just the same. And who's likeable between the two of them? None actually. But we see ourselves so much in Miles and Jack and in waitresses-friends Maya and Stephanie that we go with them through the week-long drive. These characters are as real as that office girl you sat beside with on the Ayala-bound MRT this morning, or that guy in a blue long-sleeved shirt who kicked the ATM because it refused to spew out his hard-earned 15th day salary. In fact, we recognize ourselves--friends, colleagues, family--in the film that it succeeds in achieving three things, take your pick: our hearts being broken and ending up getting depressed; or we cry in acknowledgment of the crazy world we're in, find solace in it, make the most out of it and move on; or stare at a blank wall and question your existence.

The wine as an important metaphor also succeeds in encompassing our mundane lives or at least, how our lives should be. From the grapes, to the season it grew in and to the hands that harvested them till it ferments, there is that story that goes with every sip of the wine. Maya, that sad-eyed waitress with whom Miles opens up, articulates her passion for wine and at the same time marks a thoroughly romantic sans the cheesiness scene in the film. No, we don't see her and Miles tear their clothes off; it was only Maya's reaching for Miles' hand as they talk about their passions, a first kiss that doesn't really go a long way, and that knock on Maya's door that would hopefully redeem Miles at the end of the film.

Walking out of the cinema, I was left in awe of how much humans are capable of feeling. I was heartbroken and I wanted to cry for all the mishaps I've gone through and the heartaches I've caused a few people. I was doubtful of the way we try to find happiness in another person or love in somebody else's eyes. Yet I also walked out lucidly deliberating the numerous options of living: exploring friendships, breaking and un-breaking people's hearts, getting crazy once in a while, taking long drives, wine, poetry, loving and making love, hello's and goodbyes and the innumerable polarities that border on sappiness--and I walked out happy.


***

"I'm a thumbprint on a window of a skyscraper"

"I'm so insignificant I can't even kill myself"

***

I will have to watch it again or better yet buy a DVD of "Sideways". Sarap ulit-ulitin. Go watch it guys. If you want, I'll go with you and I promise I won't spoil it for you :)

D-day Checklist

Church - check. Downpayment paid.

Reception - special discount to be arranged, check. downpayment to be paid tomorrow.

Entourage gowns - check. First fitting last week of Feb. Settle balance of downpayment.

Caterer - check. Discuss set-up, mock set-up sched, menu, and tasting sched.

Invites - for printing after Reception venue is finalized

Wedding rings - uhm, not really my priority hehe :)

Giveaways - check. Joy will start production by April.

HAIR & MAKEUP - heeelpp!!!

Photos - heeeeeellllllpppppp!!!!!!!!!

Missalette - check

Inform Principal Sponsors - check

Church Choir - check. Discuss repertoire.

Hairy Dawgs and Hourglass for the reception music - book them asap

Florist - look for one!


Well, I don't really like it because it feels like we're not accomplishing anything.

***

Friday night out with Joacs and Sammie tonight. I'm treating them to dinner :)

I have to work tomorrow. Have to schedule meetings with a number of schools for my art camps this summer. How will I do that kaya? There's the weddign preps all summer and I'm not cancelling any art/creativity workshops this summer too... I also have to prepare for Waldorf and read up... :( But I like it. I like it :)

It's nice not having to think right now. Everyone here at the office is in the conference room, drinking. Kulas included. I'm such a bore I guess. I don't enjoy drinking anymore. I prefer coffee and/or dinner and good conversations these days. Or maybe I am still trapped in the fun of silly beer-induced talks that make you think and laugh and cry back in college.

Then again, maybe I'm really such a bore. Bleh...

I shouldn't even have written this post. Hah.

This one's interesting:

Kites.
Kites.
Birds.
Flight.
Sound.
Movement.
The Summer 2000 series of Artifact Posters was constructed of crackling yellow architect's tracing paper, red cotton string, and wire with language, much like the kite pictured below. The Series was dedicated to a man and a woman of my acquaintance who loved one another for fifty years without expressing it physically.
This page qualifies as "erotica" because of the incredible love I saw in the woman's eyes as she told me the story of the kite that had hung from her living room ceiling for 40 years.
She told how she & the man had purchased twin kites while traveling together in China. Told how, like hers, his still hangs. Said that in the days they moved in the same circles, the man had been married to someone else.
I guessed from the almost imperceptible sadness behind her smile as she spoke of their matching kites, that their love had never been expressed in the way lovers tend to express their feelings.
In some sense fifty years of physically unexpressed love is anti-erotic, but certainly of no less value.
Warned you I could be a scamp.
"Make a love sound."

See the smile on little Jomar's face? :)  

that's me cheering on our kite, "go up, go up, go up!" 

That's the Picachu kite I helped Celine fly. It never stopped flying! 

Had one of the best weekends so far. Last Saturday, the Kythe Kite Flying Festival (I have an article coming out in the Star’s K.O. this Saturday) was held at the Ateneo football field and I had the time of my life flying a kite for the first time! We were never allowed to fly kites when I was a kid because my grandfather feared that our kites would get entangled with the Meralco cables in our street. Kulas was supposed to join me but he had to be at a friend’s son’s confirmation at the Gesu. Tina was there too, taking amazing photos of the event and the kids of course. I helped the kids launch and fly their kites. I’m a natural, I guess :) Our kite never stopped flying!

After the festival, I was supposed to go have dinner with Kulas and some friends at the Podium but I was too drained and dirty from all that running and flying the kites all over the field. Kulas drove me to Excelsior in Morato instead where I surrendered to Jenny’s glorious hands. Rejuvenated, Kulas and I had dinner at World Chicken in Katipunan—we were so happy! World Chicken is actually one of our simple gustatory favorites. After grabbing café mochas from Starbucks, we drove to Monk’s at Wasabi to watch Tusa, Kulas’ niece who plays with the Latin American band Hairy Dawgs. Grabe, ang husay nila! I’m now officially in love with samba. We’re really considering getting Hairy Dawgs for the wedding reception—them with Hourglass. It’s going to be a great night of samba dancing with notes of standard music and Sting, Sting, Sting! Actually, more excited with the partying after the church ceremony. He he.

Went home at 4a.m. already but I still went to see the Phantom of the Opera with Kulas’ family at Eastwood. Go watch it. Let it break your heart, a cathartic feat. Beautifully heartbreaking. As in.

Chinese dinner (of course) at Macau (again) with the in-laws (to be). I discovered this really cool stall that sells really pretty accessories. Kulas got me a three-strand bracelet of black semi-precious tones (forgot to ask what they are) with a really kikay blue satin ribbon. I also got a silver chain with white rice pearls hanging like a sunflower complete with pink glass leaves. So pretty, I’m coming back.

Now, I had to write this to keep my mind off these really ugly, tremendously itchy rashes that I got out of nowhere. My arms and now legs are covered with these red marks. I had to turn up the thermostat of all the air conditioning units here because the cold temp makes them itchier. Kulas thinks I caught some higad somewhere. It’s driving me crazy.

Samba

She’s still reeling. She can’t forget the way he would look at her, his eyes screamed her name, in a voice suffering in anguish because he could not touch her, should not touch her. He watched her walk towards where he was standing with his friends, shivering as she glided past him, the scent of midnight suddenly descending upon him. He wanted to breathe in her scent, behind that small circle of her ear, the pulse on her neck, her graceful collarbones where a delicate strand of silver flowers rest like fingers on ivory keys. He wanted to grab her, shake her, and embrace her till it hurt both of them. He would have kissed her, bitten her lips till they bled. Such desire he has never felt and it frightens him that she could have this power over him, seizing him all over.

He stayed outside the bar until they told her they were to start playing. He was playing the surdo that night. The sound of all the drums beating was inside him, rising like fire, all too loudly in his ears, in his chest. He beat the surdo with the palms of his hands with every cell of him screaming her name, Christine, Christine. Somewhere in the dark of the bar, she was dancing, the passionate rhythms of the samba captivating her; her arms circling her as her hips sway towards the fiery crescendo building up in her feet, her thighs, her stomach, sweat between her breasts, chests heaving; her head swirling with the sound of drums and her name which his eyes screamed…

Shall we dance?

Kulas and I celebrated the new year yesterday with a Chinese dinner at the Macau Pigeon House at Rockwell and the movie after. A good movie in that it has an interesting enough plot, the dances were good enough to make me want to applaud them right inside the movie house, and the dialogues are cute and witty. I like it because it's not pretentious and it doesn't fool you like most Hollywood flicks do these days. Dancing as a metaphor for living---not the life-altering epiphany you'd wish to get from a film but Shall we dance? would simply make you wish you have that partner to dance perfectly with...

(Oh and can I add a dancing Richard Gere is uber sexy?)

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious…- Albert Einstein

I had my meeting-interview at Waldorf yesterday and it will certainly take me pages to write about how wonderful a Waldorf education is, and how I would recommend it to everyone I know. What makes Waldorf unique from other schools, from Montessori for example? From the school’s FAQ’s, the aim of Waldorf schooling is to educate the whole child, "head, heart and hands". The curriculum is as broad as time will allow, and balances academics subjects with artistic and practical activities. Waldorf teachers are dedicated to creating a genuine love of learning within each child. By freely using arts and activities in the service of teaching academics, an internal motivation to learn is developed in the students, doing away with the need for competitive testing and grading.

I looked at the curriculum for Ninth Grade English and Drama and hey, half of the topics included were subjects I took up as a Lit major in college! Ang galing! They also have foreign languages (two languages in the primary level, imagine!), physiology, astronomy, art history, information and communication, art, craft, creative writing—and all other subjects I wished I had in school.

At the Waldorf lower school, kids are not “forced” to learn. Creative activities are given more emphasis because of the belief that a child has to be given ample time to be in touch with her mind as she grows therefore creative play and stimulation of the imagination are the key. Don’t teach a four year old to read and write and do the maths yet—he’ll have the rest of his life doing this. Let him play, listen to stories, work with his hands, create music, make his own toys, play with other kids because this is all he needs for now.

And come to think of it, why do we push kids too much? Why not let them grow at their own pace? Why do we want kids to have medals and stars and 100s in school? The pressure and standards we set for children these days are actually the ones we, adults, have been trapped in and trying to be free from.

And so yesterday, I was at the Kawayan Waldorf School in E. Rod. and I saw what a beautiful place the school is: no fancy facilities, no high-tech computers, but there were trees in the school yard, a school pet pig, a chicken, the art works and toys the kids made, a piano on one side of the receiving area and books. You sit in a Waldorf classroom and you’d feel how great it is to learn with your own mind.
So I got the job.

I’ll be teaching English Studies and Drama for the ninth and tenth graders this June. How did I come up with a decision so easily? First, I believe in the Waldorf method so much that I’ll send my future kids there and second because how Waldorf came to me is quite like divine. Just like my present job, I wasn’t really looking for a new job but was just browsing the web for materials for my kids’ creativity workshops when I remembered the Waldorf method. Then I remembered I knew someone who teaches there and texted her I just realized right there and then that I’d like to be a Waldorf teacher. My friend referred me to a teacher and voila, they need an English and creative writing teacher! I emailed my CV, got called for a meeting-interview and by June, I’ll be handling the ninth and tenth grade classes.

I know it’s for me and I’d kill myself if I’d pass up on this. This is what I want to do. I woke up this morning feeling happier and I started to wonder why when I remembered I’ll be teaching again soon. When something makes you feel happier than you really are, how can you let it go? And because I am this happy and excited now, it must be a right decision…

It’s one of those days when my To Do list is miles long and I’m still bouncing about, not minding how stressful the day is unfolding. I’ve been on caffeine and pain killers all morning because I have to keep my mind bright and my scoliosis is acting up again. It’s been two days actually. My back is reprimanding me for wearing those gorgeous pink heels Mama bought me last Sunday.

I’m happy. I’ve finished four studies of our wedding invites and I bet Martha Stewart would make a run for her money even more. I’d have to ask friends for comments so we can pick one. Also, we need to pay the reception down payment. After that, I’m sure (crossing my fingers) everything will fall into place.

I have to finish an article for the Star’s K.O. and prepare for my Waldorf gig tomorrow. Tonight, my uncle’s remains will be arriving from the States and a vigil will be held for him till tomorrow; after which his family and my relatives will fly to Surigao for his burial. Mama asked me to go to the airport tonight to pick up my tita and my cousins but I don’t know, my Waldorf demo is at nine a.m. tomorrow. Sigh.

I can’t think of a way to end this post. Shame.

Tintin's (Re/)Reading List for 2005:

1. "Middlesex" Jeffrey Eugenides
2. "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" Haruki Murakami
3. "The Fountainhead" Ayn Rand
4. "Life is Elsewhere" Milan Kundera
5. "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" Michael Chabon
6. "Numbers in the Dark" Italo Calvino
7. "Women's Letters in Wartime" Eva Figes
8. "The City of God" E.L. Doctorow
9. "The Passion" Jeannette Winterson
10. "The Satanic Verses" Salman Rushdie
11. "The God of Small Things" Arundhati Roy
12. "Smoke and Mirrors" Neil Gaiman
13. "Dance dance dance" Murakami
14. "The Blind Assassin" Margaret Atwood
15. "Letters to a Young Poet" Rainer Maria Rilke
16. "Cruddy" Linda Barry
17. "Under the Sign of Saturn" Susan Sontag
18. "Happy Endings" Luis Katigbak
19. "Best Words, Best Order" Stephen Dobyns
20. "Skellig" David Almond
21. "Fast Food Fiction" Noelle de Jesus, ed.
22. "Shampoo Fiction" Douglas Coupland
23. "A Passionate Patience" Ricardo de Ungria, ed.
24. "Blonde" Joyce Carol Oates
25. "Coraline" Gaiman

Good luck, to me.

3 year old Bebear. I gave this to Isis when she was 11months. Ayvi (one of my best friends and Isis' mom) said Bebear's Isis' best friend :) 

Iya-iya! 

my cousins from the Ongpin side 

My lovely flowergirls:my inaanak Isis and my niece Justine 

Kulas and Me in front of Sabin Hotel in Ormoc 

My mind is sort of drugged now because of the decongestants I took this morning for my allergic rhinitis. Got tons of work to do both in and out of the office and I'm craving for coffee and cigarettes like hell but what can I do, I want to stay clean or otherwise suffer a relapse. This craving is even stronger now with the wedding preps, work and the never-ending pursuit for balancing the checkbook.

Last Sunday was the entourage measurements and merienda cena at Kulas' afterwards. How I wish I could get all my girlfriends to be a part of it; it would be a blast and beautiful at the same time, sharing this special day with all these wonderful women I've been sharing great friendships with.

Speaking of great women, Tina will be having another exhibit this time at the Oar Gallery in Malate. My friend, you're going big time. I'm so proud of you.

Oh and I'm proud of myself too. I asked Mama to buy ingredients for macaroni and cheese the other night. Thanks to Selina's recipe, my family loved it so much I'm cooking the second batch tonight. I'll make my grocery list and choose recipes from the Woodrose senior class' cookbook that Gushi gave me last Christmas. Aside from spacing out, I have found three great chicken soup for the windang soul: cooking and feeding family and Kulas, my goddaughter Isis and my two week old niece Iya.

I've been having weird dreams lately--weird being: dreaming of Kulas slipping into a coma for four years--us getting married split seconds before he went into coma in his bed, an ex-boyfriend back in university and football fields--yes, football fields.

Have a meeting with Vlad later to discuss some projects brewing. I might be in Siargao next week for work but I don't know, I might have to beg off because of the wedding preps.

We've learned that an uncle-in-law in the States passed away yesterday. He was good to me. I remember he sent me P10k when he learned I graduated from high school and that I love books. In his note, he wrote that I could spend all of the 10k for books to my heart's content. May he rest in peace and my Tita and my cousins find solace in the thought that Tito Jun is now in heaven with Tatay and Nanay.

For a rambling post, this has gotten quite long. Ok, my chicken barbecue beckons...